Careers

The Industrial Memetics Institute is looking for energetic, intelligent, creative people who will do what they are told, when they are told, and how they are told to do it.

You will send us your resume, along with a very carefully crafted cover letter. We will throw it into the trash. We will not respond. We will continue to insist that we have open positions for which you are perfectly qualified, but we will not respond. We will go before the United States Congress and insist that we cannot fill the positions we need to fill and that they need to change the law to make things easier for us. We still won't respond to your resume. This isn't about you. This about how trans-national corporate entiries are created and maintained.

However, if it does so happen that we do actually want to employ you, we will have our human capital management staff call you at your current place of employment several times a day. They will befriend your current company's executive management, infiltrate their middle management, and sieze complete control of the entire organization. Eventually you will succumb to our organization's needs.

Working at Industrial Memetics:

The most important thing for you to understand about working at Industrial Memetics is our dress code. Our dress code is business casual. This is because we don't want you to look good, but we don't want you to be comfortable either. We want the clothing you wear to be a constant reminder of your status within society. You are not powerful, and you are not free. The sooner you understand this the better off you'll be.

Intellectual Property:

Be sure to include with your resume a signed statement granting us all rights to any idea, invention, writing, patent, or copyright which you may conceive, develop, or produce at any time, even if we decide not to hire you. It is important that you understand that your mind is as much our property as the cubicle we may decide to allow you to sit in.